careplans - urg.

I really need prayer. I am not doing well with my careplans this semester. I don't know if it is me or the teacher or what, but I have done about 5 careplans thus far and have only received 2 passing grades - 77 and 81. This is not good. I need 4 passing grades to pass that class. I would really like some "A's", but at this point I'll take anything. I am so affraid I will have to repeat the class which means that I won't graduate until August instead of May. I am really hating school right now and if it weren't for the fact that I want to be a nurse more than anything and my little family is so counting on me being a nurse I would give up. But I can't. And that's final. Please pray that my attitude will improve and that I will be able to do better with these careplans.

Communion

Christ's body broken for you; Christ's blood Shed for you.

Today I had the opportunity to hold the communion cup while people came by and dipped the bread in the grape juice. Part of this job was saying to each person, "Christ's blood shed for you." I was worried before that saying it over and over again would make it seem trite. It is such a beautiful and personal thing when someone says it to me when I take the bread and cup, but I was worried that the repetition would make it meaningless. It didn't. Instead it was much more meaningful saying it to each person and looking into their eyes. Telling each one of them that Christ's blood was indeed shed for them. I was on the verge of tears most of the time, especially when Matto and my mom came up. Of course, it probably had nothing to do with the fact that I had not yet gotten any sleep as I had worked all night the night before :).


I was touched even more when children came up. Bending over to offer the cup to little people was such a reminder of the passage, "let the little children come unto me."
A funny part was when a little girl was not sure what she was supposed to do with the bread so she just chucked it in the grape juice and left. Very cute.

Fall!!!

Every year around this time I get this funny, exciting feeling. It usually comes on when I wake one day in fall, sometimes in September and sometimes in October. It happened this afternoon when I woke up to get ready for work. It is an expectant feeling, almost like when one wakes up on Christmas morning, expecting all of the fun of spending time with family. Even when I have so much in front of me and expected of me, like work tonight or my two tests and paper coming up at the end of this month, the excitement is always there underneath the surface.

I love fall and winter. I love the crispness of the air (although that has not as yet occured in our neck of the woods - still hot and hummid, but I can feel fall beginning to appear). I love the colors. I love the overall feeling. Too much excited!

I am also excited this year about decorating my house for Christmas. I have decided upon blue icicle lights to line my house. I think thats all for now because we don't have a lot of money for decorations. I can't wait for the day after thanksgiving when I can decorate, decorate and my house can look and feel as excited as I do!

Matto does not feel my excitement. He says church musicians have too much work around Christmas to get excited about it. I pray this year that he can share in the expectant excitement that I feel!

"Called"

"'Not called!' did you say?

'Not heard the call,' I think you should say.Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face -- whose mercy you have professed to obey -- and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world." -- William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army

This quote was part of the sermon preached yesterday at church by our youth director. When I read this I don't see people around the world. I see in my mind a certain kind of people - women who find themselves unintentionally pregnant and not sure where to turn. For awhile now crisis pregnancy has been on my mind and I always figured I would volunteer at a center after I graduate and can give them a nurse as well as a body, but lately I have been feeling that what I really need to do is volunteer now, if only to sweep floors. This is where my heart is and has always been. Anyway. Just had to share.