Katherine's thoughts on life.

Gearing up!

2011-08-29T04:31:00.010-05:00

So a few days ago we thought we were going to welcome our little one into the world. Just kidding! After almost 24 hours of continual contracting it just petered out. I was very frustrated, to say the least. I felt like I had sent my sweet little man away to spend the day with multiple aunts so that mommy, daddy, and grandma could sit around and watch NCIS all day, waiting for something to happen. However, I have noticed my Braxton Hicks contractions to be more effective and I believe wee one has figured out the way out. There has been much pressure on my cervix the last few days or so.

This is always the time of the pregnancy that goes the slowest. I keep thinking, "Geez! Get out already!!!" At the same time, though, I don't want her coming out until she's ready. I've seen babies that were not quite ready to come out. They usually have trouble adjusting. That is why I am so dead set against induction. It implies that the doctor knows best when that kid should be born rather than The Creator that made the kid. When I consider how said Creator is pretty much the only person who knows exactly what day and time the ovum was fertilized, I tend to think He is probably the only one who knows exactly when that kid is ready to be born. Call me crazy...Most of my co-workers do...

So here we go VBAC! I wrote a post about VBAC-ing at the beginning of this pregnancy. I still feel the same, only stronger. We took the Bradley classes (all 12 of them). It was a challenge. It was an hour drive both ways, but I feel that it was very helpful to prepare us for what is to come.

Also, I have been praying for God's peace through this thing and I feel that He has definitely provided it thus far. I continue to pray for His peace for everyone involved in the birthing process (Me, Naomi, Matt, Mom, and all the midwives) and continue to pray for a safe, successful VBAC. The closer the time comes for this baby to be born, the more at peace I have been feeling. I didn't even realize it until my mom commented on it the other day. She said I seemed a lot more at peace about this labor than I did for David's. Part of it is, I am sure, the fact that I am more prepared. My midwife told me there was no need for me to take a birthing class for David. I didn't know about proper bodily positioning to get David in the right position before he was born. Looking back I realize that I was doing everything wrong. I was relying on my own knowledge of obstetrics and where I worked to get me through that birth. Now, I am relying on God's guideance. I believe He led us to the Bradley classes and He showed me the perfect focal point (an awesome playlist of some awesome praise and worship songs that I have compilated on my IPod).

Most importantly, though, I have tried to make God the center of this pregnancy and birthing process. This is where that peace comes from. God is in control. He always has been, but until I made Him the center of this pregnancy, that peace was always illusive.

Geez, perhaps I should make Him the center of everything in my life, hmmmmmm? Lately, labor and giving birth have not been concerning me. What has been concerning me is my role as a wife and mom. It seems I am no good at this role on my own! My house is always a mess and lately, in this last part of my pregnancy, I just have not had the will power or energy to do anything about it. My husband does not feel respected or loved. I am not caring for my child the way I should be and I am about to add another child to the mix. Could something so simple as making God the center of these aspects of my life make the difference? It worked for my impending labor. I think it is time I made Him the center of every part of my life.

My first thought is, "This is not the time to start making radical changes in my life! I am about to have a baby for heaven's sake!!" However, I am pretty sure that is a big fat cop-out! What better time to make this change than right when I have a new little one. I am going to be home for the next several months so I won't have to deal with work. My mom is going to help me learn to care for my house so we can get rid of the housekeeper that has not only been draining our bank account, but has also not been the best housekeeper in the world. It will be a slow process, but I think the process needs to begin right now with the decision to make God the center of the process. I cannot do this on my own. There is no possible way.

Proverbs 3:5 says,
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight."

I have been wandering a twisted road in trying to be a wife and mom on my own. I have found all sorts of organizational methods and books and things to try to do this, but none of it works. Perhaps I should start trusting in the Lord and acknowledge him in ALL the parts of my life. I have seen him give peace and perseverance in the areas I have entrusted to Him already. I think I will start trusting Him with the rest.

Jesus,
I have not acknowledged you in all my ways. I have tried and tried to accomplish these tasks by relying on my own understanding. Please forgive me for forgetting about you. Constantly remind me to trust you to help me be a better wife and mother. Help me to seek to put you in the center of every mundane detail of my life. Guide me as I venture on this path you have put me on. Thank you for being present in every area of my life. Help me feel your presense and your peace as I care for my family and household. Be the center of my role as a wife and mother.
Amen.

Hurting.

2011-02-22T00:43:00.003-06:00

Have you ever had somebody say something so hurtful to you that you just wanted to roll up in a ball and die? It's even more painful when the person is one of the closest people in your life. That happened to me the other day. I will not repeat what they said and I will not say who said it, but it still hurts. It makes me wonder: if I wasn't around, would that make their life easier? According to what was said, I get that impression. They haven't mentioned it since, either. Why does that make it hurt more? There is this huge awkwardness between us that doesn't seem to go away. So now everytime that person says they love me, those words will be hanging in the air, drowning out the love part. I will ask myself, "Do they really love me?" What can I do to relieve this pain?
I read about other people's lives and how perfect they seem according to blogs and Valentine's day plans and facebook posts. Why can't my life be that happy? Am I doing something wrong? If so, what? What can I do different? What can I change in my life to be able to have a happy family?
I feel like a failure this week. I have been trying new ways to keep my house in order, but it always feels like one step forward, two steps back. Then this week happened and now I am two miles backward. Both David and I were so sick I could do little more than keep him fed and not die, myself. So, nothing got done around the house. When David went to sleep, I went to sleep. I didn't even see the disaster until I started feeling a bit better on Saturday and looked around. I did 2 loads of laundry and the dishes, but couldn't even summon the energy to fold the second load and put the clean dishes and first load away. The next day was work and an hour before leaving for work those words that have been floating around my head for the last 2 days.
Oh, I hurt. Where can I turn? To whom can I turn? Ah. I know. Psalm 121.

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From whence shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

So as I read this on my trusty Kindle, I am crying in the middle of work. Even those I love the most, trust the most will always fail me. All except one. The Lord who made heaven and earth. He will never fail me. He will always heal me. He knows when I am hurting. Psalm 56:8 = Thou hast taken account of my wanderings; Put my tears in Thy bottle; Are they not in Thy book?" He records and knows every tear I shed. God will provide the healing. He will provide not only the analgesic to aleviate the pain but the NSAID I need to heal the wound. Not only will He heal my hurt, but He will show me how to fix the problem.

Psalm 73:23-26, 28

Nevertheless I am continually with Thee;
Thou hast taken hold of my right hand.
With Thy counsel Thou wilt guide me,
And afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but Thee?
And besides Thee, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
That I may tell of all Thy works.

All that to say, God will guide me and teach me the way I need to go. Even though everything and everyone else may fail, including myself, He will not!

I find that after exploring God's word, my turmoil has been replaced with peace. Even though I still hurt, it is as though a buffer has been placed between the words and my soul. I am still wounded, but somehow, the words do not continue to wound. It is almost as though I can feel the healing taking place.

So what do I do with this? I don't want to use this peace and healing to hold over those that hurt me. I refuse to taunt, "Nanna, nanna, boo, boo! You can't hurt me! God is on my side!" No. I want to figure out where the painful words came from. Am I really causing that much hurt in this person's life that they feel the need to hurt me so painfully back? If that is the case, what can I do to stop? How can I be a source of encouragement instead of a source of pain? How can I get this person to help me help them? I do not yet know the answers to these questions, but blessedly I know who does! "With Thy counsel Thou wilt guide me."

So. God, help me take the healing you are providing in my life and be a source of healing and encouragement in this person's life. Help me pray for them. Give me the words to say to them and to You to help them. Give me the strength and wisdom to be what this person needs of me. Continue to grow this person. Continue to help them grow into the person of God that you want them to be. I love them, Lord. I don't want to tear them down, but build them up. Open my eyes to see how to do this. It seems that everything I do hurts them. Help me stop. Help me think. Help me love. Help me. Help them. Help us. God, be glorified in us separately and together. Unify us. Strengthen us. Bind us together for Your glory. Amen.

Round 2.

2011-01-09T20:57:00.007-06:00

Welp. I'm sure you, whomever you may be that chooses to read my few and far between blogs, know by now that I am preggers once again. Actually, I am very excited. I've had the baby bug since October. Baby is due end of August/beginning of September. I choose not to include a due date for the same reasons of last time - people harrass towards the end with statements like, "You still haven't had that baby?" and "Wasn't your due date two weeks ago?"
I also have a ton of worries. There are the usual worries of miscarriage, preterm labor, gestational diabetes, preterm rupture, preeclampsia, chromosomal problems, Placenta or vasa previa, and every other worry that comes with being a pregnant antepartum nurse. However, I also have the worries about the delivery. I really want a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarian).
I have already been asked a dumbfounded "WHY?!?!" by my biggest skeptic at my job, who I am glad to say is going to work somewhere else. The reason being I feel cheated out of the birth experience I wanted with David. Ok. I know, and have preached this knowledge to my birthing class students, the whole purpose of labor and delivery is to give birth to a living, healthy baby and the means is unimportant. Unfortunately, being obsessed with this area in nursing, I really want to experience a vaginal birth. First of all, recovery is shorter, less painful, and there is less risk for infection. Second of all, I just really want the experience. I want to be able to say, "I did it! I accomplished that." A repeat, scheduled c-section is too easy. I know. Everybody wants the easy delivery. Why go through all the trouble if you don't have to, right? Well. I want to. Why should I feel guilty about that?
So, with a planned VBAC come many other worries. A VBAC is riskier than a regular, run of the mill vaginal delivery. A VBAC carries with it the possibility of uterine rupture. However, there have been recent studies that show that a VBAC may be safer than a repeat C-section.
Now, the next thing is (and this is how you can pray, if you are still reading) is to find an OB provider that we can afford and will support a VBAC. We loved the midwife we had last time, but she is out of network for our insurance and we can't just pay for it like we did last time. I was working full time then and we didn't have any other children. Please be praying for the search.
All these worries and what is my solution? Pray like a beast. Ok, so that may not be an actual phrase, but I have been. Maybe, pray like a squeaky wheel is a better term. I Thesselonians 5:17-18 says, "Pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." It doesn't say God will give you everything you want. It is just a simple command to not stop praying. So that is what I will do. I know God will give us what is best for us because He promised He would. So I keep praying.

Bummed.

2010-08-02T20:46:00.004-05:00

So, my breastmilk is depleting and we are coming to the end of the breastfeeding era. I am sad. It appears to be a combination of stressed out/dehydrated mom and uninterested David.
During the day, he just doesn't "have time" to breastfeed. He barely has time to eat solids. It's go-go-go all the time. He will take the breast in the morning when he is sleepy (and the cat is not around. Sorry Milhaud. Morning feeding = you hang out outside) and at night. When he is sleepy. He gets excited if I offer during the day, but that only lasts about 30 seconds then it's off to the next thing.
The other problem I am running into is that I have been busy and stressed out sinced we got back from Colorado which causes me to not drink as much because I don't think about it. One track mind. Go do this. Take care of David. Take care of myself? Only when everything else is taken care of. When I realized how much less milk I have been producing I had a big wake up call.
Now I am trying to boost my milk supply by drinking more and drinking Mother's Milk tea and trying to get David to nurse, but after a week, I am not seeing much change. I think we are just at the end of an era.
It makes me sad. I like breastfeeding. It is really the only cuddle time I get with the busy monkey. Ah, well. All things come to an end eventually. I will take my 5 minutes of cuddle time in the morning and evening and cherish it all the more for the brevity of it.

Continuing to wait and continuing to pray...

2010-07-25T22:16:00.004-05:00

Welp. David is older than the last time I posted (obviously). In fact, he will be 9 months this week. I am still tired! But, I have devised a sort of system as far as housekeeping is concerned. It is called, clean up the mess after you make it. Novel idea. My mom has always been on my case about this since I was a little girl. Recently, I have been putting it into practice and it is amazing how well it works! Usually, the mess is cleaned up after the monkey goes to sleep, but it is still going ok.
I haven't blogged in forever because nothing much has changed. I am still praying for God to make a way for me to be a stay at home mom. I got a bit of comfort in this arena today, from the sermon at church, of all places! The sermon was about The Lord's Prayer. One thing he said really stuck out to me. God always answers prayer and He does it in 3 different ways.
1. Yes! Your will is also My will!
2. Not right now. That will be good for you later, but not right now.
3. I have something better in mind.
So. I can infer that my desire to stay home with David is obviously not a "Yes, definitely, right now" type of answer. I have two options left to me. "Not right now" and "I have something better in mind." Either way is not so shabby. "Not right now" implies that God needs me where I am right now. This tells me that my work for Him as a floor nurse is not done yet. In that case I am in the perfect place, which is in God's will, and who am I to argue with Him about it? The "I have something better in mind" option is obvious. He has something better in mind and I am excited to see what that might be.
So. Until I figure out which way we are headed I will continue to pray that God will provide a way for me to be David's full time mommy. I will also continue to pray that He would give me the grace and the strength to continue to glorify Him where I am.

Thoughts on Motherhood thus far

2010-03-03T00:39:00.002-06:00

In a nut shell: Tough, but worth it. Wow, that sounds cliche. Let me expound. I will probably sound like a big whiner, so bear with me, those who care to read on. David is a good baby. He is not fussy without reason. I get cranky when I am hungry/tired/dirty/etc, too. However, it can be quite a challenge figuring out which it is sometimes. Especially, when I'm tired. Which brings me to my next paragraph.

I am tired. Yes, I know. It comes with the territory, but I am tired. Bone tired. Seems like I will never not be tired. Because I am tired my house is a wreck. And it seems like every effort I make to get it into some semblance of presentable gets undone as soon as it is done and my kid is not even mobile yet. How can this be? Do things just jump out of place when I am not looking? Right now, as I write this, I am frustrated to tears. Where is my magic wand? Accio clean house!! Nope. Didn't work. At least, as far as I know it didn't work. I mean, Matt didn't call me just now to say, "Wow, our house just cleaned itself!!" How does one work 2 nights a week, care for a precocious 4 month old and keep the house clean and husband happy? It must be possible. Right? Is it not possible? If it is not, I would like to know so I can stop feeling like a lazy idiot. Maybe I am just a lazy good for nothing. Maybe my dad was right when he told me no man would want me because I was bad at house work.

What I would really like is to not work at all. Not a possiblity at this point in our lives, but a dream none the less. Before I had David I didn't want to go to work because I liked being at home, but I didn't worry about leaving Matt alone. He liked the time to himself so it wasn't too difficult giving it to him. Besides, once I was at work it wasn't so bad as jobs go. It really is a rewarding job and it is as much ministry as it is a job.

Now, however, it is getting harder and harder to leave David. I know he is with daddy and they are having "guys' night," but he is so upset when I am gone. Matt texts me at at work that he cries for hours at a time. I don't want to have to have other people take care of him and I definitely don't want to have to put him in Mother's Day Out. I don't like this at all. Sure, you can "present" reality to me and tell me that we need the money I bring in from my two nights a week and we need the health insurance that my job provides, but I don't like being away from my baby and that is the short and tall of it.

So. I am going to pray that God will somehow make a way for me to stay home. I can't see one right now, but I know that He can. Meanwhile, I will wait. This is the lenten season right now, is it not? Lent is all about waiting. This year the song Matt is using to tie in a sermon series all about the number 40, is the song "40" by U2. Here are the words:

I waited patiently for the Lord
He inclined and heard my cry
He brought me up out of the pit
Out of the miry clay

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song

He set my feet upon a rock
And made my footsteps firm
Many will see
Many will see and fear

I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song
I will sing, sing a new song

How long to sing this song
How long to sing this song
How long...how long...how long...
How long...to sing this song

What do I see here? "I waited patiently for the Lord. He inclined and heard my cry." Ok. I will wait. He is not deaf. He can hear and see my need/desire. "He set my feet upon a rock and made my footsteps firm." He will give me the strength to wait. And He will give me the strength to figure out life until then.

I just realized that all I did was whine this entire post. I did not even mention the part that makes all this frustration worth it. My beautiful (I figure I can get away with that term for at least a year, right?) child. Just when I think it wasn't possible, the little man child grows more beautiful every day. He makes me laugh all the time, even when he wakes me up in the middle of the night. I love his cooing (video to come on facebook of that cuteness) and smiles. I love that he is so friendly to everyone he meets. He is changing by the minute, it seems and is so smart. He observes everything so seriously. One can almost hear the gears turning in his brain. He makes the frustration and exhaustion worth it. I can keep going just so I can see what he will do next.

A different use for this blog.

2010-01-22T13:17:00.003-06:00

When I first started using this blog I thought it would be a good place to post updates on my growing family. Now, however I think I will use facebook for that. Everybody that would be interested in familial updates are on facebook. Instead I will use this post as a commentary on life. Since I am not inspired to comment on life very often there will probably not be many entries. Every now and then, however, I do get inspired (usually at work when there is nothing else to do) and so I will blog. If you the reader are so inclined to read my inspirations, be they ever so few and far between, I encourage you to do so!

Refreshing!

2009-10-14T04:06:00.002-05:00

Sunday, in church, I came across the usual sympathizers and anecdote tellers (although I managed to avoid the inevitable belly rubbers). However, I came across a new and refreshing experience as well.

There is a woman in the choir (I cannot recall her name. I feel terrible about this, but there are many people who know me that I cannot recall their name.) who was very helpful. She started out the conversation by asking me how I felt. I do not mince words (as I am sure those who keep up with me have noticed) so I told her exactly how I felt. I want to deliver this baby. I feel heavy, tired, uncomfortable, and impatient to meet this new little person. After commiserating with me for a minute on the discomforts of the third trimester she grabbed my hand and started to pray. I know people are praying for me and with me as I have been venturing on this whole pregnancy adventure (believe me, I have felt the prayers), but it was something else to have somebody suddenly pray in my presence. What she prayed for specifically was what has been on my mind the most lately. She prayed for a safe and healthy labor and delivery, a continued healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby. I admit it. I cried. I always cry when someone prays for me in my presence. I guess it is up there with remembering that God actually cares for me personally.

She has done this before. She grabbed me and prayed for me when I was in my second trimester. Again, she hit every prayer request on the head without me telling her what to pray for. Every time she has done this has been right after a session of obsessing and brooding on all the things that "could" happen. It is amazing to me how the Holy Spirit is always reminding me to trust Him. I know in my head that He is totally in control, but sometimes I forget to apply this to my life. Why? It is not like He has EVER let me down before. What gets me is that everytime I pray I know we will be okay. It is the times when I think to much without telling God about it that I start to freak out.

So. How do I apply this? The thing to do is to remember to never think without "thinking aloud" to God. Right? Every time I do it this way my brooding sessions always turn into praise sessions. It is not like God is going to be offended. He already covered all my stupid brooding and doubts with the blood of Jesus. (Why am I crying now? Is it the hormones or the fact that it is 0420 and I need to be in bed, but would be fired from my job if I went to sleep right now? Maybe a combination of the two...) So. From now on. Think aloud to God. Yep. That's what I am gonna have to do. All thinking must go to the Boss because not only is He the Boss, He is also the "freak less" guy. Every time I freak out to God he calms me down and causes me to freak less. I guess that is my lesson. That. and. How awesome is it to have true believers around? The woman at church (don't even know her name and don't really need to) is truly doing her job as a sister in Christ. She comes along side me, takes my hand, and brings me to God. I know that it is a Holy Spirit thing. As if we could really do that kind of thing of our own volition.

Pregnant lady crankasaurus rantings and ravings

2009-10-06T03:09:00.004-05:00

I like to think I am usually pretty even keel when it comes to temperament, but I am turning into a crankasaurus. This pregnancy thing has been pretty cool. I mean, having a separate human being growing in my belly is a pretty neat thought.

It is not neat anymore. He is heavy and digging into my pelvis. He is no longer a cute little wriggle worm. No he is a giant kick boxing baby and the punching bag is my ribs and liver and stomach. He will probably be very cute and wriggly when he is born, but for now I am annoyed. Instead of David Matthew we are going to have to call him Paul Bunion and paint poor Milhaud blue. (I just read over all that and realized what horrible things these are to say about my child. Please keep in mind that I do not dislike my son. I just think we both might be more comfortable with him on the outside.)

Yesterday morning my mother bore the brunt of my crankiness as she is the one I talk to in order to keep myself awake on the way home from work. Sunday night I had two nurses declare that I will be pregnant all the way up to 42 or 43 weeks because I have a midwife. Folks, I have no sense of humor anymore. That is just not funny and won't be funny for at least a few months yet. It is just wrong and quite discouraging. When a person is apt to cry at the drop of a hat it is just downright mean to curse them with the misery of 3rd trimester pregnancy for 2-3 weeks past their due date.

I understand that there are few at work who "approve" of my choice of having a midwife instead of a doctor (although, lets face it, I am pregnant, not sick). However, I believe I have actually received better and less paranoid prenatal care than I would have with an OBGYN. Midwives are all about prevention where as most doctors wait for the problem to crop up and then deal with it with multiple interventions that could have been avoided with a little teaching. Doctors are great and wonderful for high risk pregnancies, but mine is not high risk. Also, my midwife does not sit around during the third trimester waiting for the body to figure out how to go into labor. She provides well researched herbal supplements that prepare the body naturally for labor and assist the cervix with dilation. If the doctor thinks labor isn't coming fast enough (or if their patient is whiney enough) they will go ahead and induce labor. If that doesn't work there is always a c-section! For those reading this that have chosen an OBGYN, please do not think I am judging you. To each his own (or better yet, her own). I just don't appreciate being looked down upon for my choice. So I choose to have a midwife instead of a doctor. How does this hurt my judgy nursing peers? So I choose to labor without analgesic or epidural. How does this effect them? It is my body and I have the right to choose the labor and care that is best for me. I do not try to convince others to do the same. In fact I encourage my childbirth class people to follow their doctor's advice and orders and I encourage them to get an epidural if they feel that will provide the best experience for them.

Ok. So. I guess I feel better now. Please understand that I am really not a terrible person. I am just uncomfortable. I am also getting to the point where I am ready to meet this new person. I think he is going to be a neat kid and I am anxious to get to know him (that, and it is daddy's turn to carry him around for awhile ;-) ). Please continue to pray with me for a continued healthy pregnancy, a healthy delivery, and a healthy baby who will follow his namesake and become a man after God's own heart.

An interesting work week. God is still Sovereign

2009-09-02T04:12:00.002-05:00

So Sunday night/Monday morning a lady came in 32 weeks 4/5 days and after much stupidity on the side of the doctor ended up delivering a dead baby. Today I am 32 weeks 6 days. When I heard of the fate of this woman's pregnancy I had a panic moment. I had begun to think I was in the clear as far as David's health. If I went into preterm labor at this point he would more than likely be fine. Everything is pretty much developed. He just needs to grow. The other lady's pregnancy is evidence that stuff can still happen. When I heard her story I knew that I had to pray, but could not even find words. I just had to let the Holy Spirit take over at that point because I was so freaked out.

Then, Monday evening on my way to work I found some words. I prayed the usual - a continued healthy pregnancy, a healthy labor and delivery, a healthy baby who is a good eater, good sleeper, not allergic to my cat, and not a screecher. I also found myself praying for the grace to give him back to God. It is amazing to me how attached I have become to someone I haven't actually met. Sure, I feel him pummeling me from the inside out, but I have never seen him, or held him. I asked God to be with me and Matto as we embark on this new adventure of parenthood. I want so much for him and he hasn't even been born yet. Most of all I want for me and Matto to demonstrate a strong faith in God. I want him to grow up understanding that he is loved and can come to us with anything. Lofty goals. Anyway, after all this praying I turned on the radio and this is the song that came on from my Skillet CD:

Whispers in the Dark

Pre-chorus:
I will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is A burning, consuming fire

Chorus:
No
You'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark
No
You'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear my whispers in the dark

It is good to know we are not going into this thing by ourselves. We, as David's parents, are his guides in life, but we have a guide who knows the way better than us and all we have to do is follow him.

Praying took away the anxiety for a healthy delivery as well. I know God is still in control and hasn't lost a lick of his sovereignty. It is good to be reminded.

Also, I have a patient tonight that delivered via c-section at 33 weeks because her baby's heart rate would not come down. When the baby was born his APGARs were 9 and 9 (that is good by the way) and after a little cardioversion (they shocked him with the paddles) his heart started working right again. This was a good reminder that not all pregnancies turn out with a dead baby. Sometimes when I see the sad stories I forget about the miriads of happy stories that happen multiple times a day around here. It is not all roses, but then again, it is not all thorns either.

Pics of the little man

2009-08-04T08:59:00.006-05:00

It's still a boy!

Look! A foot!

His legs stretched out. Feet to the left.

His face. Yes. You can see a cut out of his brain. Cool.

There he is, folks. In all his 28 week majesty!

Welp...so much for technology...

2009-08-03T01:58:00.005-05:00

So, I don't think I mentioned it in my previous blog, but when we had our ultrasound (U/S) at 18 weeks we were told that David only had two vessels in his umbilical cord. A normal umbilical cord will have three blood vessels in it - 2 arteries and 1 vein. The arteries flow from the placenta and thus from the mother, bringing oxygen and nutrients to the fetus. The vein flows from the fetus, bringing waste products to the mother. If there is only one artery (as they were telling us there was with our umbilical cord) there is a risk for decreased O2 and nutrients getting to the fetus causing the growth to be slowed and causing a potential for other problems. When we found out there were only 2 vessels my midwife told us not to worry - this kind of thing happens all the time. She would have us get another U/S at 28 weeks to make sure David was growing appropriately.

Well. We went to get our 28 week U/S Wednesday and lo and behold - 3 blood vessels in the umbilical cord. Hmmmm...Amazing. God grew an extra artery. Right? I do not put it past him. After all He has definitely done even more miraculous things in the past. I have seen them myself. However, I am thinking someone missed something in the first U/S. There are definitely 3 vessels. I saw them in color and black and white. Very obvious. It is kinda like waking up at 3 in the morning when your alarm is set to go off at 6. Irritating, but gosh it is a relief to realize you can go back to sleep for a few more hours. Irritating that the concern was present, but at the same time a big relief.

The whole time between 18 and 28 weeks I never felt worried. Even though I am an OB nurse and know exactly what can happen I was never afraid for my little man's safety. I never felt out of control or without an amazing peace. God, who knew exactly what was going on the entire time, never let me freak out in a situation that was totally freak out-able. It is good to know we have an all knowing God, because the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.

Also, confirmation that it is indeed a boy, for all of you doubters out there. I saw that for myself as well. Either a boy or a hermaphrodite, because folks, them tweren't girl parts!

He is doing well. His measurements all matched up to his gestational age. Growing like a champ and (as I can attest to by the kicks and punches and whatever else he is doing in there) getting stronger by the day. He is still a wiggle worm. He was breech in the U/S Wednesday and head down at the birthing center Friday. His favorite time to move is at night (nice huh?) except when something wakes him up during the day (like an ultrasound at noon). According to the U/S he is 2 1/2 to 3 pounds, right on track. Going strong.

I am also doing well. I have been doing 20 minutes of prenatal pilates every day, which has helped cut down on a lot of back and hip soreness. I have been having Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing out of the ordinary. I have had to breathe through a few, but they don't last long and are usually pretty far apart.

If you are in the mood to pray for us, we are praying specifically for a continued healthy pregnancy, a healthy labor and delivery, a healthy baby, a good eater, a good sleeper, not a shreaker, and not allergic to Milhaud. Also, we are praying fervently for his salvation and that he would grow up like his name sake and be a man after God's own heart. I am not afraid to pray specific prayers because Christ's death has given us the freedom and courage to come boldly before God's throne. Why not take advantage.

The verdict is out - we know what it is...

2009-05-23T09:58:00.012-05:00

IT IS A...............................

BOY! Okay so the ultrasound tech kinda gave it away by typing male at the bottom of the picture. If you look right in the center of the black spot you can see his little penis between his little legs! I don't know what is at the top of the black spot, though. Enjoy it now because I don't think we will be posting anymore naked pics of our little man in the future.

Here is a side view. Up top on the left you can see his head. Right below his chin is a shoulder...I think.

This pic is already labeled, but I will tell you anyway - here is his foot! The left one to be precise. His toes are more towards the middle of the big black spot off to the left of the screen.

Here is another profile shot of his head, closer up. His head is off to the right and his torso is to the left. Some sinuses are visible here too.

This is the best head shot I think. In this shot he is facing towards the top of the picture. His tongue is visible inside his mouth. One of his hands is touching his forhead and right below his hand his nose is visible. Perhaps we will save this shot for when he needs a pic for the program for his recital (whatever instrument he chooses!). :P

During the ultrasound he was very busy. He started off in transverse position, switched to vertex (head down) facing sunny side up (glad I was not in labor!) and then turned to look down! No wonder I feel him moving around ALL the time!

Anyway, there is our boy! We think he is very great. By the way he is wriggling around trying to say hi, so from the munchkin - "Hi!"

Matto is the Bomb!

2009-04-22T22:25:00.002-05:00

So I just want to say a quick word about how great my husband is. He has been so great with all the pregnancy symptoms. He comes to all the doctor appointments (Okay, so there has only been 2 so far, but still!). Here is a specific story about how great he is:

A few weeks ago I absolutely neeeeeeded lobster. Yes. Lobster. At the time he was taking a nap in the bedroom and I felt so bad waking him with such a frivolous need. I waited as long as I could, but I finally had to go in there. I sat on the bed and stared at him. He looked so peaceful. Finally, I said his name and he opened his eyes and smiled at me. I said, "Matto, I need some lobster. I am so sorry!" He said, "Well, lets go to Red Lobster. However, if this craving becomes a regular thing we are going to have to learn to cook lobster because that can get a bit expensive." That's it! No - "Katherine, lobster is expensive. Can you not crave something else." Nope. And no cranky I just woke up Matto either. He just took it in stride. I am proud to admit that was the last time I craved that. Whew!

Also, one night all I wanted to eat was Lipton Chicken noodle soup. When Matt discovered we didn't have any he just got up, grabbed his keys, and went to the store. No complaining, no grumping (despite the lateness of the hour) or anything. Yeah. He is that great.

Anyway. Just had to put in a good word for my wonderful man! He is definitely the Bomb!

I DON'T LIKE BEING A NOOB!

2009-03-09T23:17:00.003-05:00

The title pretty much sums up my frustration. I do not like being new at things. I am a new nurse and very frustrated about it. I am constantly learning and trying to incorporate what I learn into my work, but I am so frustrated. I want to know it all now and I am tired of making mistakes. I wish I could have all the experience of a 30 year veteran nurse right now! Everytime I miss something or everytime I make a mistake I just want to kick myself. Some of those things just stem from not having the knowledge and I know that knowledge cannot all be learned in the space of a week, month or even a year, but I hate not being perfect. I guess that is the material point, isn't it. I. hate. not. being. perfect. I want to do my best and I think I do for the most part, but let's just face it: my best isn't good enough right now because I don't have the experience. Oh frustration.

As I sit here think about what to write next the thought comes to me: What does every solved problem have in common? God. He is definitely perfect and is an expert at it. I really need to trust Him and believe that He is still in charge and will carry me as I figure this thing out. It all comes down to that Rebecca St. James song again doesn't it? I really can trust Him with this. I know that it is God's will that I be a nurse. I have seen His hand in the whole journey to becoming a nurse. So what is the deal? Why am I fighting Him now? I totally identify with Paul in Romans 7 when he talks about how he is always doing the things he doesn't want to do and never doing the things he wants to do. woot for sin nature (insert sarcastic tone here).

God - I can trust you with my career. I can trust you with my pregnancy. I can trust you with my future parenthood. I can trust you with my life. I can trust you with those that I love the most deeply. Now that I've said it, will you please help me believe it. Thanks. Amen.

Prego: It's in there!

2009-03-03T01:18:00.004-06:00

Whelp. With e-mail, cell phones, and facebook everybody pretty much knows already, but for bloggings sake (and the fact that I don't have anything to do at work right now and reading tends to put me to sleep) - Yes I am indeed pregnant. If you look to the right side of the blog you can find out exactly how far along I am. I am not telling the exact due date (although if you know your math you have probably already figured that out) because I want to avoid harrassment around due date time. Suffice to say we will have a new friend around Halloween and a new addition to our family circle at Christmas time.

Working where I work I am both blessed and cursed in regards to pregnancy. I know everything that is normal and am therefore not afraid or concerned at the normal pregnancy symptoms. However, I am also cursed in that I know everything that can go wrong, as I see it on a weekly basis at work. This is a big prayer request for me. I need to trust God with this pregnancy. A song that keeps coming to mind lately (maybe because I have had the CD playing in my car) is Rebecca St. James' "I Can Trust You."
Here are the lyrics:

I Can Trust You

Yes, I know that you have paved a path for me.

Yes, I know that you see what I do and don't need.

But when it comes to the deepest things

I have a hard time relinquishing control

Letting go

God, it hurts to give you what I must lay down

But when I let go, freedom's found

God, it hurts to give You what I've held so dear

Because of Your love its clear

I can trust you with this

I can trust you with me

I can trust you.

Lord, I know that you are worthy of my trust

For you have shown me time and time again

You're faithful and yet

I'm so scared of letting go of this

Afraid of what you might do with it

How could I forget who you are like this?

Me forsaking

Heart is breaking

I let go of what I've held so tight

Freedom's mine now

For the taking

I move in faith, not by sight

Let your will be done.

Every word cuts to the quick. Why shouldn't I give God my fears about this pregnancy and everything else in my life? He has always taken care of me and my family. Why would He stop now? Anyway, I could use some prayer in this. On that note....

Yay! We are going to have a monkey! Giraffe....BABY!

Thoughts on The Little Drummer Boy

2008-12-01T22:52:00.008-06:00

Come they told me, a new born King to see; Our finest gifts we bring to lay before the King, so to honor Him when we come.

Little baby, I am a poor boy, too. I have no gift to bring that's fit to give the King. Shall I play for you on my drum?

Mary nodded. The ox and lamb kept time. I played by drum for Him. I played my best for him. Then he smiled at me; me and my drum.

So I always thought of this song as one of those songs that really has no Biblical basis and is just another fun song to sing, along with "Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer" and "Santa Claus is coming to Town." However, recently I really listened to the lyrics. Okay so no drummer boy is mentioned anywhere in the gospels, but I really think this is saying something more than just, "There was this kid and he played his drum for the baby Jesus."

Some of the thoughts going through my head when I would listen to this song before were, "Really? Play a drum for a baby? Is that really such a good idea? Seriously. Isn't it kinda loud?" and "So the pa rum pa pum pums are getting a little redundant and irritating!" This year however I heard a really cool version of it by a group called "Denver and the Mile High Orchestra" that kind of jazzed it up a bit and added their own thing too it. One of the things added was: "I played my best for Jesus!" That got me thinking.

What do any of us really have that we can offer the King of Kings? Not really anything because everything we have already belongs to him. All our possessions, all our talents, us...it all belongs to Him. The best gift we can give to the King of Kings is to use what he has given us for him: To "play our best for Jesus."

So whatever talents Christ has given me - music, nursing, caring, teaching, compassion - I better just do my very best and stop fooling around. That is the only thing I can give Him to show my gratitude for his ultimate gift of salvation.

My hope for reward is His smile. Well done good and faithful servant. My I be worthy of that smile and statement.

Katherine, the directionally challenged: but divine appointment accomplished anyway!

2008-11-25T04:55:00.006-06:00

So, Thursday while my handsome husband was at the Integrity music worship conference I was scheduled to volunteer at the crisis pregnancy center. I left in plenty of time, but as the title of my post implies (or rather bluntly states) I am apparently directionally challenged. Mind you, I did not get lost in the part of town that I rarely travel. No, I got lost in Friendswood, where I go all the time because lets face it...Alvin, Tx doesn't really have much to offer in the entertainment arena, but I digress. Here I am traveling along I-45 south (which I do frequently) and I totally missed my exit. So I got off two exits down and did a U-turn and got on I-45 north. I took the correct exit this time, but instead of going straight to 528, I turned onto Nasa rd 1 going in the opposite direction from which I intended. I finally got turned back around and found the freeway again and found a different intersection that I am quite familiar with and finally made it to my destination...15 minutes late. Oh, great. So, not only am I leaving early (to meet Matto for dinner), but I am also late. The thought going through my head when I parked is, "I might as well not have come at this point." However, God definitely had a plan for my life and another's life, as you will see.

When I got there, the other volunteer was taking a pregnancy test back for counseling, so I pretty much hung out and talked with the director. Then another client came in with her sister and mother, so I got her set up. (At this point I am feeling sleepy - not sure why - and rather complacent.) I took the girl back to one of the rooms for counseling and discovered that she was 15, already 29 weeks pregnant, and her mom just found out the week before. I counseled this girl on abstinence and STD's before I even got to the spiritual issues. Then I shared the gospel with her. God is so good. Everytime I present the gospel it is different. God always puts the words in my mouth that the receiver needs to hear. This girl ended up accepting Christ that day and we got her plugged into a pregnancy center a little closer to her, as well as a church right across the street from her high school. (One of the volunteers that works on Monday just happened to be visiting the center at that moment and she knew of a church my client's area.) The girl will probably come back to our center when I start teaching Childbirth education classes in January so I might get to see her again. I was also able to counsel her mother a little too.

As I look back on this experience I can see two hands working here. I definitely see Satan trying to influence this appointment. I didn't want to go to the center at all because my lazy self wanted to stay at the hotel and...be lazy. On the way to the center I got lost ( in a familiar part of town) not to mention sleepy (which is probably why I was having so much trouble). When I got there I was still sleepy and rather complacent. But God, right? God won (as He always does). I made it to the center (albeit 15 minutes late). Once I got the client in the room I woke up and God put the words she needed to hear in my mouth and opened her heart. My friend, Megan, just happened to be available to give me the name of a church for this girl to go to. God set the situation up perfectly to bless both me and this client. There is no barrier that keep us from God's will. It will be done!

Good times this week!

2008-11-25T04:06:00.011-06:00

So this past week Matto went to a worship conference, hosted by Integrity Music, in north Houston so we decided to get a hotel room and make it a little "minibreak." We really only got to see one another in the evening as Matto was at the conference, so during the day I went about business as usual.

Wednesday morning I came home from work and went straight to rehearsal for the ladies quartet I sing with. It did not go well. Katherine gets a bit cranky when she hasn't slept all night. Then my mom helped me pack so I could get a couple hours sleep before I was to meet Matto for dinner. I ended up being about a half hour late as I apparently have absolutely no sense of direction. Hmm. Anyway. We had dinner at PF Chang's and then Matto dropped me off at the hotel while he went back to the conference for the evening session.

(By the way, he had and awesome time at the conference. He got to hear Lincoln Brewster, Paul Balosh (I know it is not spelled right - I'm lazy, okay!) and other names I am not familiar with. Too much fun. He was really excited and I think it did some good things for his spiritual walk as well. I am very proud of how much Matto has grown in Christ since I've known him. I am so excited to watch him continue to grow!)

...to continue...I hung out at the hotel until he came back from the conference. I soaked in the jacuzzi tub that was in the room (oh, yeah! - in the room) and watched tv. (Boring you say? Perhaps not. I watched a very interesting documentary on the weather channel all about the big fat hurricane in the early 20th century that killed so many people in Galveston. Natural disasters are always entertaining.) When Matto came back to the hotel we just hung out in the room. Very fun and relaxing!

Thursday Matto had more conference and I had Crisis Pregnancy center so we went our separate ways. I actually did not want to go to the Crisis pregnancy center and was thinking about backing out, but I went and was rewarded (it is a long story so I will post that one after this one.) We met up for dinner again and this time had Saltgrass. (Oh. yes. Definitely a real Texas steakhouse and therefore the only kind of steakhouse worth going to.) After dinner we went to the final concert at the conference together. Very cool.

I am now a fan of Paul Balosh ( I know it's spelled wrong - get over it!) and Lincoln Brewster. Not so much of the Canadian folk singer guy, but there you have it. Paul Baloche's (are you happy now? I looked it up and it is now correct.) music is very accessable for worship. The tunes are easy to follow and the words are theologically correct and very God focused. Lincoln Brewster is fun and the words are worshipful, but not as accessable as Paul Baloche. I digress.

Back at the hotel more fun with the jacuzzi action and hanging out and Friday we went home and had fun hanging out there too, despite the lack of jacuzzi tub.

Saturday I went with my mom, niece, nephew's girlfriend, and some friends from the crisis pregnancy center to se "Twilight." Very fun. A good movie that I will definitely own! Mind you, it is not necessarily a cinema masterpiece, but was definitely fun for fans of the book. I felt that it actually followed the book quite well.

Now, I am back at work. Yes, yes, I know. Only three days, but it is hard to go back to work after such fun not at work.

Another name for The Book

2008-11-14T03:31:00.004-06:00

So, Tuesday this girl came into the crisis pregnancy center I volunteer for, for a pregnancy test. She had been there in April for a negative test and was coming again. This time the test was positive. One of the things we do when these girls come in is share the gospel with them. I have had the opportunity to share the gospel with several girls, but this time when I asked her if she wanted to "accept the gift of eternal life in Jesus" she said yes! So I told her the formula for the salvation prayer and she prayed it. I prayed for her and recommended ways she could take care of herself now that she is pregnant. She is going to have the baby. I encouraged her to let her youth pastor know she had accepted Christ and told her about a christian vice principal at her school. I also encouraged her to do a little bible study for new believers to get 20 baby bucks (can be exchanged for baby stuff). Anyway. That was my Tuesday!

Unity in Christ

2008-11-09T21:35:00.002-06:00

As I peruse other people's blogs I see a great many (those that comment on the recent election) with a common theme. God is in control. He is in control of the rulers' hearts and He is the supreme ruler. It makes me happy to see like mindedness from the believers. Unfortunately I don't always see that and it bums me out.

And...God is STILL in control

2008-11-04T22:42:00.005-06:00

So. Obama. The first thought that comes to my mind when I hear this word is "scary." Not because he is bad, but because of the other words that come to my mind - "socialized medicine, partial birth abortion, one world government, etc." When I first heard that he had won (one of my patients and her husband were yelling and cheering at the top of their voices) I was actually so upset I felt nauseated. I had to leave my pod because I just didn't want to hear it. Now that I have had a chance to process it all I am thinking, "so what?" God is still in control, even if the Democrats are taking over DC. Even if Obama is the anti-christ, as so many have pondered, I know who wins. So is this the beginning of the end? Who knows? I know God wins (no matter how you roll the dice) and since He is in control I don't need to worry.

Incidently, here is a really interesting blog about the election talking about the same thing:

http://deadtheologians.blogspot.com/2008/10/no-matter-who-wins-electionit-is-gods.html

God SO answers prayer!

2008-11-03T22:40:00.005-06:00

One of the ladies I take care of from time to time has been in the hospital on bed rest since August. Today she delivered and both her babies are doing very well. I have been praying for her since I met her because the outcome did not look well and she has been trying to have a baby for quite awhile. How can one say there is no God when He is so evident everywhere?

The Kitty whisperer

2008-10-25T22:09:00.003-05:00

Meet Stravinsky. Okay so that is probably not really his name. I don't know what his family calls him, but that's what we call him. He belongs to our new next door neighbors, but every time we open our front door or come home he comes running (or is already waiting for us).
Matt was the first one to meet him. One morning he opened the door to go to work and Milhaud and Bartok trotted in followed closely by a random black, nearly grown kitten. Matt grabbed him and sent him back outside. Bartok hissed at him and ran away (my sweet boy is such a fradey cat). Since then I think he has decided to join our family. He lets us pick him up and pet him and if we don't do either of those things he rubs on our ankles until we do.
At first we were not sure who he belonged to, but then one day our neighboret was outside with one of her kiddos and she told me they had just had a new baby and the black cat hissed at it so out he goes!
Well, now we have a new friend! Bartok and Milhaud are not thrilled. Bartok will only go outside via the backdoor now. After one initial hiss on encountering Stravinsky, Milhaud will usually settle down and successfully ignore him the same way she does Bartok.
This is the third cat to have adopted us. A few weeks after we moved in a black cat followed me (and Bartok) home from the mailbox. A few weeks ago we had an orange kitten show up in my engine (we found his family and took him home). Matt is continually telling me I am not allowed to adopt another cat, but in my defense, they come to me!

Cat hair and paw prints

2008-10-19T00:12:00.006-05:00

My husband is pretty great. I know that if he was not married to me he would not have any pets. And yet we have two cats. He has said numerous times that the only reason we have these cats is because he loves me, but that fact struck home Friday. We were at the gas station filling up his truck. The doors were open and he was standing at the driver side door. He made a comment about paw prints and Bartok walking on his truck and then he plucked a few hairs (cat hairs by the way) off the front seat. I also noticed cat hair on his shirt. I am glad he loves me. Cat hair and paw prints are a testimony of that love. I am truly blessed!!

A visit from Ike

2008-09-14T10:44:00.002-05:00

So I got a birthday visit from Ike Friday night. I had to go into work on Thursday (which was technically my day off) because I was on "B" team and I had to work til noon on Friday when we were relieved by "A" team. "A" team, of which my mom was a member, stayed at the hospital to ride out the storm. I got home at about 1:30 pm and Matt had pretty much gotten the house ready to go. He had done the shopping for canned goods and water, taped all the windows (we would have boarded the windows except that Home Depot was sold out), cleaned out the garage to make room for our cars, brought in the porch furniture, filled the bathtubs with water (in case the water got shut off), bought batteries, and managed to keep the cats inside despite all the crazy confusion.

The wind started picking up around 3 or 4 PM and continued to get stronger as the afternoon/evening wore one. Around 7:30 or so everyone in the neighboorhood went outside to experience the high winds and gawk at the sky, which was no longer blue, but an ominous dark gray color. Around 8:00 the wind was starting to knock us off our feet and attack us with dirt so we all went inside to "hunker down" and ride out the storm. Me and Matto and our lovely kitties sat down on the couch and started watching Star Wars (the original, before it became "A New Hope"). (All this time various family members were calling and texting to check in and see how were were doing.) Just before Luke and the Rebel fleet were about to attack the Death Star we heard a big ole gust of wind that sounded like it was trying to tear the house down so we decided to "hunder down" in the hallway without windows for the duration of the hurricane. At this point we still had electricity so we plugged in the portable DVD player and finished up Star Wars. Right around midnight all the lights went out so we subsisted on batteries for the DVD player and watched "The Empire Strikes Back." Around 2:00AM the winds and rain were stronger and louder than ever (or maybe it just seemed that way because the laser fire from the movie kinda drowned out the noise), but we decided to try to get some sleep anyway. Around 4, 4:30, or 5 am the wind got the loudest. I remember sitting up and thinking "Is that still hurricane or is that a Tornadoe? Should we get into the bathroom or go back to sleep?" After listening for a bit I decided to go back to sleep. I woke up around 7:15 with the sounds of an arriving text message on my phone asking us if we were still there. "Yup. An so is God." The wind had subsided somewhat, but the rain was still pretty heavy. We risked looking out our windows and saw a lovely river running down the middle of our street and up to our sidewalk. Neat! Looking out from the second story on our back yard we saw another river running down the street behind us and lo and behold 2 of our fences were having some issues standing up straight. Poor things. In all the excitement we must have forgotten to give them their V8 for the day. One of the fences was on the side of a house that has not been sold yet so we are hoping that the realtor will fix that one. The other one just needs a couple of nails to put it back to rights.

Over all we faired pretty well. I was a little worried at first, but in the end God was in control and protected us all. My sisters and their families escaped without harm and very little damage occured at the hospital. God is good and as always, was faithful.

Premie week

2008-09-14T10:37:00.002-05:00

I saw 3 premies born the week after labor week. That was too sad. One baby was 25 weeks gestation. I think she is still alive. That baby was delivered via c-section. Mom had developed an infection. She was so upset in the OR that they had to put her to sleep instead of use an epidural. The other two babies were 23 week twins, almost 24 weeks. They were vaginal births. They were so small. So far only one has survived. This job is happy for the most part, but every now and then I think it is actually sadder than the ICUs.

Labor Week

2008-09-11T09:15:00.003-05:00

So I got to orient in L&D for a week. It was very cool. I got to help with 9 vaginal deliveries. Yes. This is DEFINITELY what I want to do with the rest of my life! One of the ladies did it without an epidural - by herself. How awesome is she? She didn't even make all that much noise until she was crowning. I was very impressed. As opposed to the lady who did have an epidural, but one that didn't work all that well. She just didn't get complete pain relief in her lower right abdomen. She was screaming so loud that she was scaring the other patients. Labor is definitely different for everyone. I will spare my readers the gory details. So much fun!

What a way to start the day!!

2008-07-28T14:29:00.002-05:00

This morning as I was driving to work (in the dark and fog - 0530) I saw a big tool box in the middle of the road...about half a second before I hit it with my front tire. Nice. I pulled my car over and proceeded to change my tire, but the problem was, I had never changed a tire on this car before. The set up was completely foreign to me (especially on a pitch black country road in the middle of nowhere). I finally extracted my spare (with much fake swearing and praying and resting and praying) after I called work and told them I would be late. It took me about 20 minutes to figure out the set up and I was trying to jack the car up at intervals. I would jack up the car until a car came, stand back and wait for the car to pass, jack up my car some more, wait for another car to pass... Finally, 30 minutes and countless cars passing later, a guy pulled over and asked to help. I looked at his silouette through my humidity fogged glasses and said yes, thank you. He was kind enough to change my tire for me (he was much faster than me). I drove home, changed scrubs (the originals were quite wet and dirty), and borrowed Matto's truck to get to work. I was 1 1/2 hours late to work. When I got to work I found that my preceptor had called in so I had to work with someone I didn't know as well. No thanks to the yucky start, though, my day is not going too bad. I owe that to praying over and over on the way to work for a good attitude. I find that if I pray for a good attitude I usually have a good day!

Migraines...huh...that's new

2008-07-28T14:15:00.002-05:00

So a few weeks ago I started getting migraines. At first they would just be at the end of the day and I would go to bed and wake up fine. Then, a couple weeks ago I got the migraine Sunday night and when I woke up the next day it was still there. I went to work anyway, hoping it would go away, but I ended up going home in the middle of the day. I had to call in sick the next day because the migraine was still there. For the next couple days I was down for the count. I went to the doctor and she did a full work up on me (mostly just blood work and EKG) and sent me in for an MRI (yay for insurance!). The blood work, EKG and MRI were normal. So far, since my last migraine, I have been okay. I am keeping the migraines at bay with aspirin, Benadryl, and coffee. The doctor gave me a pill to try and it actually made the migraine worse. That was the first time in my life where I could say my pain level was a 15 on a scale of 0-10. Special.

A new nurse!

2008-07-04T09:37:00.005-05:00

I took the NCLEX-RN June 17....and....PASSED! God was very good to me that day. I wasn't nervous until the test cut me off after 75 questions and then was sure I had failed. Not sure why, but I went straight to the christian bookstore after that. I had never been there before, but I ended up there. I was reminded (in the "way to expensive to buy for just a verse hanging on the wall decoration" section) to trust God. Specific verses that caught my attention were: Psalm 37, Psalm 46:10, and the last section of Col 3. Psalm 37 says over and over again "don't fret, don't fret, don't fret." Psalm 46:10 reminded me to just be STILL and trust God. The section in Col 3 was talking specifically to servants, encouraging them to dedicate all that they do to God and work for the glory of God. At the point that I read that chapter I realized that as a nurse I am a servant. I dedicated my service as a nurse to God. Everyday, as I place my hand on the doorknob before leaving for work, I pray for God's glory. I pray that I will actually be a conduit for God's glory.

Now I am in orientation. I did two weeks in the nursery, learning how to transition babies directly after birth. I was shaking with my first baby. That was the first time I had ever done nursing care all by myself. It took me awhile to get used to writing RN after my name too. Now I have to stop myself from writing it when I sign credit card slips, checks, etc. Now I am in the second to last week of postpartum (new moms and babies). So far I am really enjoying being a nurse. There is more responsibility, but for the most part it is really fun.

My cats and their idiosyncrasies

2008-05-28T10:02:00.012-05:00

So I have noticed that most people use their blogs to show off pictures of their children and what not. I don't have any kiddos yet, but I will show off my "babies" (even though they are full grown). I have some pics of their idiosyncrasies here.

Bartok

Bartok has always had a slight obsession with the water faucet in the bath tub. When we lived in California he always came running when we would get out of the shower. He would jump in the tub (sometimes before we were able to get out and sometimes almost knocking us over) and play with the drips coming from the faucet. In our bathroom at our house, now, we don't have a bathtub with our shower so he can't play with the water after we get out, but we do have a separate tub in the master bath. Now, he will jump in the tub and stare at the faucet until we turn the water on for him to play with. Here he is staring at the faucet.

It is a strange obsession. Here he is grabbing the water with his paw so he can drink it:

Another bit of trivia about Bartok is his favorite sleeping position. He likes to sleep on his back with his feet in the air. When he gets into a deep sleep his foot starts to drop, bringing him into a side lying position. When this happens it startles him awake and he makes a cooing sound almost like a pigeon, adjusts himself back on his back and the whole cycle starts over again. He also likes to sleep on our shoes in the closet, but I don't have a picture of that. A new favorite of his (that I also don't have a picture of) is sleeping in the dryer in the clean clothes if we don't get them out fast enough or close the door.

Some idiosyncrasies cannot be pictured. One is that he likes to play peek-a-boo. He likes to try to catch the peek-a-booee's face with his paw. This game is not for the faint of heart as there are claws on the end of that paw!

Bartok doesn't meow at the door when he wants to go out. He pigeon coos loudly while racing up and down the stairs and ricocheting off furniture and walls. He only goes out at night, though, because he is afraid of the neighbors and outside daytime noises.

He has also learned how to open cupboard doors. His favorite is the cupboard above the refrigerator. Who knew we would have to baby proof our house before we had babies.

Bartok also likes to attack Milhaud (mee-oh, please). He sits on the edge of the couch and waits for her to come by and then leaps. When she growls at him he cowers, but he still likes the game.

Milhaud (Pronounced mee-oh)

Milhaud has her own little idiosyncrasies. Her favorite sleeping position is with her back against a pillow. It can be any pillow. She likes to be in the same room with me so if I happen to be in the kitchen or living room she sleeps on the couch:

If I am sleeping during the day for work (or if I am not around) she sleeps in the bed. When I am not there she goes directly for the pillow:

If I am there she either snuggles up to me and "chases" me around the bed until sometimes I end up lying crosswise by the time I wake up or I wake up to find myself on the very edge of the pilow or completely off the pillow so that she can sleep next to it. She never does this with Matt's pillow. Just mine. Also, if I lay on my back she has to sit in the middle of my chest. For Matt, she likes to sit in the middle of his back, where he can't see her.

Something I can't take a picture of is her meowing. She is a very loud meower. If she wants out she will not take "no" for an answer. She will meow at the door, literally, until someone lets her out (or in). When we first had her we could not let her inside because we could not afford pet rent at the time. It was a couple of days before we asked our land lady if we could let her inside. Night and day, day and night she meowed at the door. If we woke up in the middle of the night we heard her. When we came home at the end of the day she was still meowing. I hope she took a break to get something to eat and go potty, but we will never know. Finally, the land lady took pity and gave us permission to let her in. When we did finally open the door for her, she came in, sniffed at some furniture, jumped on the couch and went to sleep. Keep in mind that she used to belong to the lady that lived there before and she pretty much came with the house so that was the first time she met us in the house. I think she decided that we were okay. Now, when Milhaud comes inside she meows a couple times (depending on how long it takes us to let her in the meow can be friendly or loud and grumpy) walks in and literally flops onto her side on the floor.

Milhaud does not like to use the cat box. She will in a pinch, but she prefers to go outside. Before we got Bartok the cat box was pretty much just for decoration.

There is so much more I could say about my cats, like Bartok having to have all doors in the house open, and Milhaud demanding to be petted whether you want to or not, but I think I am becoming a bit boring and obsessive so I will stop now.

Meet Nurse Elley

2008-05-21T11:33:00.003-05:00

As promised, Matto took me to Build-a-Bear last Wednesday! There I found this wonderful Elephant and dressed her up in scrubs and got her some medical equipment. Notice the stethescope around her neck, the syringe in her hand and the thermometer "grasped" in her trunk. It is very handy for Nurse Elley (that is her name by the way) to have that extra appendage because nurses are always in need of some extra hands. Note her booties. She is all ready for a leaky patient!

In other news on the nursing front: Please be in prayer for me. Apparently I am not allowed to work as a Professional Student Nurse (PSN) after I am declared a Graduate Nurse (GN) by the Texas Board of Nursing (TBON). Unfortunately, as I have not been hired as a GN, but as an RN (Registered Nurse) I cannot work as a nurse in my unit until after I have passed the licensure exam. I cannot take the licensure exam until I am declared GN. All this to say, there will be a big gap between working as a PSN and working as an RN. At least one paycheck will be lost if not more. Please pray that the transition will go smoothly and that God will provide money for us to live and that we will use the money for His glory.

My husband makes me happy!!

2008-05-11T21:18:00.002-05:00

After my pinning on Friday my husband soundlessly came up to me and gave me a big bear hug. Later he told me about what he had been thinking during the evening class representative's speech. The speaker told about how the evening students would work school in between work and vice versa without getting much sleep in between. Matt was reminded of how hard I had worked over the last two years and he told me that he was so proud of me. It makes me happy to know that my husband is proud of me.

Also, I woke up this afternoon to find white roses on my dresser. That made me happy too. He thought I might like them so he put them on my dresser. I think that is great.

Also, Matto is taking me to build-a-bear where I can build a nurse bear!! And he is going to get me a new Littman stethescope which is so great.

I am a happy wife!!

In other news....

2008-05-11T20:47:00.002-05:00

Thursday, my mom and I went to her house so she could change before going to my niece's band concert. When we got there I heard a yowling sound. While she changed I went around the side of the house to investigate. Her cat, Charley, had fallen off the fence and somehow gotten his hind leg wedged between the slats in the fence. I reached in and held his body up and yelled for mom. She finally came out and came to help. When she touched his foot he screamed (no kidding, he really screamed) and went to town on my left hand. Ah, what a gesture of thanks. I grabbed his scruff as soon as I could, but not soon enough. I will have some cool scars for sure! As soon as we got him free from the fence he wrapped himself around my right arm so I have some fun marks there as well. We put him down (after prying his claws out of my flesh) and hurried to the bathroom to assess my wounds. Pretty. Puncture wounds and bruises. On mom's insistence we went to the nearest urgent care, but they were closed so we had to drive all the way down to Sugarland. The fang did not break off and no bones were broken and my bones are very healthy (at least in my left hand). When I told Matt about my healthy bones he said, "They better be after all that milk you drink!" I am now on doxycyclene and am supposed to keep it clean and dry. There has been some swelling, but only over the wounds so that is good. No infection. When people ask me about the scars I will tell them that I was in Vietnam!

Charley is fine. He has no limp and other than being a little skittish about going outside shows not signs of the event.

FREEEEEDOOOOOOOMM

2008-05-11T20:01:00.002-05:00

So Wednesday I was taking practice tests for my exit exam and freaking out pretty bad because I kept scoring 60's on them. Finally, about ten minutes before the exam I finished my last practice test and scored yet another 63. At this point I had reached panic mode. I looked up from my computer and two of the Christian students from my class came up and asked if I would pray with them. Hmm...let me think...YES!!!!!!! We prayed for clear minds and calm spirits and most of all for God's glory. The next few minutes before the test I spent texting as many people as I could to ask them to pray. Let me just say to all those who prayed - thanks sooo much. All through the test I felt calm and every time I would begin to freak out I would stop and remember that God was with me and I just needed to take one question at a time. It worked and God was definitely glorified. I got a 992 which equals in normal people terms out to a 91.79%. I scored in the 88.22 percentile in the nation. Whew! When the score came up on the screen I thought it must be upside down. I did not feel that confident with my test. I guess I did okay though! So. It is done. I am finished with nursing school.

Let's try that again.

I AM FINISHED WITH NURSING SCHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My pinning was Friday. There I found out that I was one out of only 34 people who passed out of both day and evening classes. 70% of my class failed the exit exam! Woah. I guess it makes sense though because when we had our review class very few people paid attention. I sat up front for the last two classes because I had a hard time hearing the teacher through all the chatter despite the fact that she was using a microphone. Anyway.

As I said, my pinning was Friday. Later that evening we had a party at my sister's house and I burned my clinical uniforms. Holy cow! I am so glad I never caught fire while wearing those. I would have gone up in flames faster than you can say "I love my lips!" Ah, polyester, such a quality material! The burning was glorious and all I could every hope for! Now I can say for sure that I shall never wear those horrid outfits again! My mom got a pic of me burning them. Perhaps I might be able to get a copy of it when we figure out how her camera works.

Now what? you might be asking. Well now I have to wait until after the 17th to be proclaimed GN (graduate nurse) and be allowed to take my licensure exam (NCLEX-RN). I have to get that done before June 23 because that is my first day of orientation in my unit where I have been hired as a staff nurse.

And between all that I will be cleaning my house. Apparently I have been in a fog the last few weeks because I walked out of my bedroom Thursday morning and saw that apparently there had been a Tornado in my living room. My mom came over later that morning and I asked her if it seemed messier to her than last week. She said that everything was in the exact same place it had been the week before. Wow. Talk about living in a fog. Well the fog has lifted and I am going straight to work on my nasty house on Tuesday (gotta work Sat, Sun, and Mon).

Did I mention...

NURSING SCHOOL IS OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God's little reminders...

2008-04-30T12:38:00.003-05:00

So Monday I had my last test for my Lab class. I got a 74. Not so great. It's fine because I did so well on the other tests and assignments that I still have an "A" in the class, but it made me a bit nervous for the theory test the next day. After the test I went to the gym and did some water aerobics (which are freakin awesome by the way. I get a good workout and my joints don't feel as if they will fall off my body!). The whole time I was freaking out about Tuesday's test and some scheduling things at work and the tests for next week and, oh, while we're at it, the NCLEX-RN coming up! On my way out the door I passed the workout room and saw a woman wearing a t-shirt saying, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philipians 4:13." Who says God doesn't still speak to us?

By the way, I guess God has decided to make that my life verse. I didn't even think about it until just now. When Matt started working at the church one of the choir members gave me a little wall plaque with that verse on it. On the "Praise moves" DVD I do (Yoga, but not really, for Christians) the first verse that is focused on is the Philipians verse.

Anyway, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I get so stubborn thinking I can do anything I set my mind on that I forget to remember that I do nothing by my own strength, but by God's. I CAN finish nursing school next week through Christ who strengthens me and I CAN pass the NCLEX through Christ who strengthens me and I CAN be the best nurse possible for God's glory through Christ who strengthens me.

Good news!!

2008-04-04T15:41:00.002-05:00

I had an interview on Monday with the managers of the unit that I currently work at as a PSN. They said they did not have the budget for nurse interns, but they liked me and wanted to hire me. They had several positions for staff nurses, but they had to get permission from the CEO to hire me as a staff nurse.

I just got the call five minutes ago saying that they want to hire me as a staff nurse!! I am going to be working at the same hospital, in the same unit, as an OB nurse!! I am too excited. The trick is that I have to pass the NCLEX-RN before I begin as a staff nurse. It is a night position (my fav). Yay!

Also in the news, the crisis pregnancy center I volunteer for is talking about paying for me to get my ultrasound certification as well as my childbirth educator certification. Please be praying for that!!

YAY!!!

I'm an Army "Ant!"

2008-04-04T03:21:00.020-05:00

A few weeks ago I went to my nephew's graduation from basic training for the Army. Here are some pics. This is Ian (I think he is going by Zack now) in his dress uniform.

Here is Zack right after his graduation. Doesn't he look fearsome?

Here is his platoon marching by the bleachers.

Zack and Randy in dress uniform. Randy is a Staff Sargent in the Airforce. Here they are at attention.

And here they are after I said, "Beautiful, dahling, now look angry!" I don't know why they don't look angry!

Zack and his mom, (my sister) Ronelle.

Zack and his girlfriend (yes, folks, that is pink!), Kaitlin.

Randy, Ruth, Mom (looking at the "yearbook"), Zack, and Kaitlin (yeah, don't know if that's spelled right).

Me, Chelsea (Ruth's daughter), and........introducing.......Sophia!! I finally got to meet her. Such fun! She is absolutely beautiful and easy going and everything that is wonderful and good. Yay!

Beautiful Sophia!

Me and my big sister!

I had a wonderful time. Unfortunately, our camera is on the fritz so I was not able to take any pics of my own. These are all from Ronelle's camera. My brother let me do night time feedings with Sophia so that was fun (oh, yeah. I am that sick!). Okay, so I do newborn feedings in the middle of the night as a job, but they never wake me up. That is actually in the middle of the day for me (if that makes any sense). I am very proud of my brother and nephew and I am so glad I was able to go. During the graduation, I have to confess, I cried like a baby. I was so proud of Zack and so proud of all the men who were graduating and going on to serve their country that I could not hold back. Laugh if you want, but my brother said (after I proclaimed myself a dork for being so weepy), "We need more "dorks" like that." I also heard some frightening stories about my brother's time overseas. It is a good reminder to be in constant prayer.

Please, all who read this, don't forget to pray for our service men and women. They are what make and keep this country free.

My new friend

2008-03-05T01:13:00.003-06:00

So I have been noticing that in the medical biz one needs to speak different languages. Mainly, well, Spanish. Because, well, when people come here from other countries nowadays the US makes it nice and easy to not assimilate, as it were.

Anyway, this blog is not for soap boxing. So. Where was I? Ah yes. My new friend. I have a new friend and its name is (I say "it" because it really doesn't have a gender)...Drum roll please...ROSETTA STONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom bought the first two levels of Rosetta Stone for Spanish for my nephew last year to help him in his Spanish class, but since it is really hard to do well in a class without going and he wasn't really interested in doing well anyway it didn't get used.

I mentioned to my mom that I wanted to learn Spanish so that I could communicate with my patients and I wanted to try Rosetta Stone and she said she had the first 2 levels. Anyway, to make a long story short (too late) she lent it to me. And I love it.

It doesn't teach by conjugating verbs and memorizing vocabulary, but teaches by showing a picture and saying a phrase. Like how we learn to speak a language when we are babies. It goes so fast and by using the words and phrases in different ways it makes so much more sense. When I finish I plan to take the professional Spanish class for nurses at the community college down the road, but I would also like to get the 3rd level. I think that's the last one. And then I want to get French and Italian and German. Unfortunately its like 500$ per language so I don't know how practical that is. Maybe after nursing school and after we pay off all our debts. That's kind of my montra right now - "After nursing school...."

TTFN

I think I'm getting old.

2008-02-28T16:50:00.003-06:00

So yesterday I was driving to my clinicals and I suddenly realized I'm an adult. Okay, so it wasn't the first time, but seriously. It is kind of disturbing. I was driving behind a school bus and remembering how I used to take the school bus and then I remembered the last time I took the school bus home from school - 15 YEARS AGO. Hmmph. Well. I remember back then I thought 30 was so old. I am going to be 30 in 6 months. I guess I don't think about it much since I hang out with people my own age and older, but I think this is disturbing. And life is going by too fast. I don't like that either. I am glad nursing school is almost done, but then what? I can go on with my life, but it won't slow down. It will probably go faster. disturbing. Anyway. I think I will enjoy it while I can. It would be good I think. Wow....wow.

P.S.

2008-01-26T20:07:00.001-06:00

My brother and his wife have had a new baby!!! I am an aunt!...for the 11th time. Baby Sophia arrived January 24th around 3:30. She was 7 weeks or so premature as my sister-in-law was preeclamptic and taking the baby out is the only sure fire cure. Baby was 5 1/2 lbs and 19 inches long. That is a big girl for being so early. It gives her a fighting chance. She was in NICU last I heard with a breathing tube and a GI suction tube. I would love to put pics up, but I don't have any. As soon as I have them you will see them!

Homestretch

2008-01-26T19:46:00.000-06:00

Welp, here I am at the beginning of the last semester. I am both excited and scared out of my mind. After graduation I have the NCLEX-RN and then...I am in charge of real patients. All of a sudden I will be practicing on my own license instead of mooching off my instructors. I will be making decisions, sometimes life or death decisions. My mom says every nurse goes through the scarey phase at the end of school, but she also says it is not as bad as we make it in our minds.

We had a great Christmas. My family came over on the 22nd and we had a great time. Matt's Mom, Dad, and brother Daniel came on the 24th and stayed through the 27th. My family came to one of our Christmas Eve services and between services we had a little family gathering at our house. It was good times. We had Hogan family Christmas on the 25th. Unfortunately I don't have any pics because A) our camera is on the fritz and B) our computer is also on the fritz so the only way I have to blog is at work and on Matt's computer at the church and at school. If we get a tax return it is going to a new computer!

Matto left for Mexico the morning of the 27th and came back the next week with a horrid chest cold. I attacked it with fluids (much to his chargrin: "I have had so much grape juice I think I am going to explode!" "Well have some orange juice instead!" What a terrible thing to have a nurse for a wife!). Anyway, it worked because when we went on our wedding anniversary trip to San Antonio his cough was much better...So There!

We spent 3 days in San Antonio and had a marvelous time. We spent the first one in the hotel room and didn't leave until supper time! One of the days we spent just walking around the River Walk and Alamo and when we got tired we sat down and read our books. So great!

And now it is back to the grind stone. Except that I haven't done any studying for the first two weeks of school so I guess I will do that now! I think I will start reviewing OB tonight.

FINISHED (till January anyway...)

2007-12-15T23:11:00.000-06:00

As of Thursday I am finished with all my classes and I have passed all of them with "Bs" straight across the board. No Phi Theta Kapa, but at least I will graduate in May! I was concerned for awhile that I wouldn't pass Management, but a good grade on my presentation and final paper turned me in the passing direction. 1/3 of my class did not. Next semester the class will be significantly diminished. Sad times.

In the middle of the semester I felt like I would never finish nursing school. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. There wasn't even a faint glow, but now I can at least see a glimmer. Next semester is all about ICU and critical care. We will also be taking an NCLEX-RN review class.

The NCLEX-RN is the licensing exam I have to take after I graduate. Before I graduate, however, I have to pass the HESI exam. This exam is kind of like NCLEX-RN, but not. It is like a practice test. We took the midcurricular HESSI last week and without studying I received an 82% chance of passing the NCLEX. I think I will study before the next one and before the NCLEX.That will give me an even better chance of passing!

Last Sunday Matto directed our church choir singing Vivaldi's Gloria. It was super fun. I got to sing the duet and soprano solo. Funny - People at the church kept saying to me afterwards, "Who knew that sound was in you!"

I also heard from several people that this was the best Christmas concert in a long time. Matto hired an orchestra. Also, the Gloria was a big deal. These people don't normally sing in different languages. It was a big challenge and they came through. Matto wants to do Rutter Requiem for Easter. It is longer, but it is more homophonic so it should be a little easier.

Matto was complimented to me and my mom on Thursday after choir practice. One of the singers came up to us and said he was grateful that Matt is so versitle. He was very impressed that Matt is able to direct choral master works, but in the next hour he is able to join the "good ole boy" group and in the next hour he can lead a contemporary worship band.

I am so proud of my talented man. I hope more people in the church realize how great he is and how fortunate they are to have him.

I guess that's all.

Guess what I did around 4:30 this morning...

2007-11-26T07:03:00.000-06:00

You never will so I'll tell you!

I got to see a.........

CESAREAN SECTION!!! So cool. You know, when a uterus is taken out of the abdominal cavity it greatly resembles an uncooked turkey! The baby was a boy. The surgery was performed by a resident so I got to hear it "narrated" in a quiet voice by the attending. There was also a new resident observing so the attending pointed out the anatomy. The scrub tech got me into the surgery. She taught me all about what she does and she let me gown and glove up so I could be right up next to the doctor while she performed the surgery. It was awesome. Here's a cool pic of a c-section. (This is not the one I was at. This morning's was a breech so his hiney came out first!)

Labor and deliver and c-sections are so cool. It is so neat to see how humans develop from two half cells into once completely, different from anybody else ever made, person. I am in awe.

This pic is on my desk top. Is it not cool?

I think that is why I love this service in the hospital so much. Every day is a miracle. Even when the baby's don't survive it is an opportunity to witness God's perfect plan. From birth I have noticed that these new little people are not only different in their DNA make up, but in personality, too. Some babies will be unwrapped, bathed, weighed, changed, and all manner of being handled and never make a sound. Others start screaming the second the first layer is unwrapped. Others are in between. Each of these little people are designed personally by God. Wow.

That is what makes it ten times sadder when I see babies like another one I saw last night, whose mothers don't think while they are pregnant and do drugs and don't take care of themselves. That baby will go home today to live with the mother that put it in this constant state of addiction and immediate drug rehab. Why should a baby have to go through detox immediately after birth? In this unit I work in I not only see the glory and wonder of God's creation, but I also see how man is able to damage and destroy it. Heaven will be so wonderful when we can see God's glory and not mess it up with our stupidity.

God be praised for his wondrous works, even if we don't understand them. God be praised for sending his own son as such a small, vulnerable baby. God be praised for sending that son to the cross so that we, who are constantly messing up, might be with him and praise him without hindrance.

careplans - urg.

2007-10-26T12:50:00.000-05:00

I really need prayer. I am not doing well with my careplans this semester. I don't know if it is me or the teacher or what, but I have done about 5 careplans thus far and have only received 2 passing grades - 77 and 81. This is not good. I need 4 passing grades to pass that class. I would really like some "A's", but at this point I'll take anything. I am so affraid I will have to repeat the class which means that I won't graduate until August instead of May. I am really hating school right now and if it weren't for the fact that I want to be a nurse more than anything and my little family is so counting on me being a nurse I would give up. But I can't. And that's final. Please pray that my attitude will improve and that I will be able to do better with these careplans.

Communion

2007-10-07T19:44:00.000-05:00

Christ's body broken for you; Christ's blood Shed for you.

Today I had the opportunity to hold the communion cup while people came by and dipped the bread in the grape juice. Part of this job was saying to each person, "Christ's blood shed for you." I was worried before that saying it over and over again would make it seem trite. It is such a beautiful and personal thing when someone says it to me when I take the bread and cup, but I was worried that the repetition would make it meaningless. It didn't. Instead it was much more meaningful saying it to each person and looking into their eyes. Telling each one of them that Christ's blood was indeed shed for them. I was on the verge of tears most of the time, especially when Matto and my mom came up. Of course, it probably had nothing to do with the fact that I had not yet gotten any sleep as I had worked all night the night before :).

I was touched even more when children came up. Bending over to offer the cup to little people was such a reminder of the passage, "let the little children come unto me."
A funny part was when a little girl was not sure what she was supposed to do with the bread so she just chucked it in the grape juice and left. Very cute.

Fall!!!

2007-10-06T19:42:00.001-05:00

Every year around this time I get this funny, exciting feeling. It usually comes on when I wake one day in fall, sometimes in September and sometimes in October. It happened this afternoon when I woke up to get ready for work. It is an expectant feeling, almost like when one wakes up on Christmas morning, expecting all of the fun of spending time with family. Even when I have so much in front of me and expected of me, like work tonight or my two tests and paper coming up at the end of this month, the excitement is always there underneath the surface.

I love fall and winter. I love the crispness of the air (although that has not as yet occured in our neck of the woods - still hot and hummid, but I can feel fall beginning to appear). I love the colors. I love the overall feeling. Too much excited!

I am also excited this year about decorating my house for Christmas. I have decided upon blue icicle lights to line my house. I think thats all for now because we don't have a lot of money for decorations. I can't wait for the day after thanksgiving when I can decorate, decorate and my house can look and feel as excited as I do!

Matto does not feel my excitement. He says church musicians have too much work around Christmas to get excited about it. I pray this year that he can share in the expectant excitement that I feel!

"Called"

2007-10-01T11:41:00.000-05:00

"'Not called!' did you say?

'Not heard the call,' I think you should say.Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear Him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father's house and bid their brothers and sisters and servants and masters not to come there. Then look Christ in the face -- whose mercy you have professed to obey -- and tell Him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish His mercy to the world." -- William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army

This quote was part of the sermon preached yesterday at church by our youth director. When I read this I don't see people around the world. I see in my mind a certain kind of people - women who find themselves unintentionally pregnant and not sure where to turn. For awhile now crisis pregnancy has been on my mind and I always figured I would volunteer at a center after I graduate and can give them a nurse as well as a body, but lately I have been feeling that what I really need to do is volunteer now, if only to sweep floors. This is where my heart is and has always been. Anyway. Just had to share.

God is so groovey!

2007-09-29T20:57:00.000-05:00

I'm in the nursery tonight, which is a nice respite from last weekend where I didn't sit down until about 2:30 AM for lunch both nights. I was the only tech on the sixth floor both nights. There were about 20-22 moms and about 17-19 babies (all of which I had to bath and weigh (the babies that is)). What made the time especially special is that I had a test on Monday afternoon that I had not finished studying for. I thought (stupid, silly me) that since I usually have so much time for studying at work, I didn't need to do all that much studying on my two days off. I know everyone has heard that proverbial saying about the ratio of baby chickens to eggs and how you shouldn't really count or whatever. Anyway, I counted and my chickens were definitely not as I had hoped (is anyone following this?). To make a long story short (too late!) I did not get to finish my studying by 7AM, but I still had to get some sleep so I got to the school about 40 minutes early and just sat with my review book and didn't look up until the last minute. I was feeling very emotionally unstable going into that test, but I prayed that God would calm me down and I would happily accept a passing grade no matter how low it was.

Well...I got a......90%. I looked at my grade and said, "Huh." Okay. Um. Okay. I did the review and it was an honest grade. I really did know the answers. The ironic part was that I got all the answers right for the disease I did not get to study for. What's up with that? I'll tell you what's up with that - God bailed me out of my stupidity...again. I think this is how I am pretty sure nursing is where He wants me. Even when I tend to sabatoge myself he always helps me through. This is no excuse for not studying when I should have been studying, but it does show God's awsome mercy and grace.

This time I am going to work harder (where have I heard that before?). Therefore I am going to stop this blog and go read for Monday and Tuesday. I am determined to do well this semester, so, bye!

Whining and a day on the Brazos

2007-09-08T23:58:00.000-05:00

Welp, I'm doing better! I now have a major "don't want to be in school anymore" attitude which is not very conducive to straight "A's." I am almost done. Only 8 more months and I graduate with an RN degree and have only the NCLEX-RN to take to be an RN, but they are stretching out before me like a long, long road that seems never to end. I am sure that once the semester gets started I will be so busy I won't have time to brood over it and the time will fly, but until then...WAAA, WAAA, WAAA (said in a big baby nasaly voice).

Week before last I went for a fun little nature hike at Brazos Bend State Park. That was fun, albeit a bit wet. Okay. A lot wet. It was raining after all. And it was humid. I got to see an alligator though. It was cool. At first I just thought it was a log (okay, cliche, but true), but then I noticed that it had fresh moss on it and then it blinked!! Very cool. I also did a bit of flash card studying for my math exam the next day (which I got a 100 on thank you very much) in the observation tower. I was going to walk all the way around the 40 Acre lake, but as I got about half way around I noticed that the lake had overflowed onto the road and they tell you to not walk in the lake or by low banks so I turned around. Bummer. It was good times, but by the time I got back in my car my hair was actually dripping like I had pored a bucket of water over it. I am not sure why. I was wearing a poncho after all. Anyway, over all good times.
It definitely made up for the fact that the woman I went to for a hair cut cut my hair way too bushy and short. I told her just above my jawline and she cut it mid ear...when its wet. Yeah.

Anyway. I gotta go. Lunch time!!!

A Jonah day (night)

2007-08-27T05:13:00.000-05:00

So I got to work last night and was told that I was assigned to the desk. "Ah, good," thought I, " I have some reading to do and this is very handy." First thing I find out when I get to the desk is there is no floor tech until 11:00 so I am needed to do 10:00 vital signs. That's fine. No sweat. There are only 17 moms and 8 babies. No problem. Yes problem. One of the sets of parents apparently did not know how to change their baby because they had not changed him since the nurse on day shift changed him and they were waiting for the night nurse to come and change him. They didn't notice that he had soaked all the way through his diaper and both blankets. Before I could do vital signs on him I had to change his diaper (teaching the parents how to do so and how to care for his new circumcision (which was probably burning from all the urine, poor thing)) and change his bedding. This set me back a good 10 to 15 minutes (each patient is supposed to take me 1-2 minutes max). Finally, I finished vital signs and went in search for a turkey sandwich for another patient. This whole time my stomach has been feeling very funny. I finally get back to the desk with some juice hoping it will settle my stomach. After I drink the first juice my tummy is really feeling funny and I decide to go to the bathroom...just in case. Well, good decision. There goes my dinner/breakfast (whatever you want to call it). Then come the chills and hot flashes. All night long. I don't think I will go to the gym this morning, but I have to go to class. I have no choice. Please pray for me. I feel yucky.

Florida!

2007-08-24T10:37:00.000-05:00

So I just got back from visiting my brother in Florida! Good times. I went with my mom. We stayed in a hotel. We went swimming in the beautifully shaded swimming pool. We worked out in the scantily stocked workout room. I walked out on the hotel's dock (which looks out over the bay) and got a sunburn. We went to the beach with my brother and watched him surf and watched my nephew try to surf (mostly just using the board as a floatie) and I went in for awhile. We went for dinner at the restaurant my sister-in-law manages. Picked up my nephew and went home. Definitely fun. Although it doesn't look as fun on the computer screen as it was in real life. Ah, well.

Matto went to Schlitterbahn in New Braunfel. The park itself was fun, but the bus' AC went out half way there and on the way back one of their tires blew out so that was no good, but he definitely said the park was fun. Good times.

So that was my first vacation since last summer and my last vacation till this December. Now I go into MedSurg. I am told that this will not be as difficult as Pedi, but I want to get my GPA up 3/10 of a point so that I can qualify for Phi Theta Kappa so I need to abandon the whole complacent attitude thing and get to work. Please pray for me as I jump back in on Monday.

Ah...Texas weather

2007-08-18T12:13:00.000-05:00

So I had an experience that goes with the old saying about Houston weather: If you don't like the weather, wait 5 minutes (or in this case, drive about 50 yards further). I was driving home from my mom's house Wednesday night when all of a sudden it looked kind of foggy. I had just enough time to think, "Huh. Its kinda foggy here" when the car in front of me suddenly hit their brakes! Right about the same place they hit their brakes a wall of water hit my car and I had to hit my brakes as I couldn't see a thing! I finally got my windshield wipers on and my car under control and about 50 yards into the torrential downpour it just stopped...nothing. The road was wet, but it was wet like when several cars go through a puddle on a dry day. Wild. The funny thing was that there was a car stalled in that 50 yards of rain. I felt like going back and telling them that if they push their car a little ways they could at least be stalled in dry weather. That actually happened several times coming home. What a trip.

Oh! Hurricane Dean is supposedly on its way to South Texas, but I don't think it will be stopping here. Just in case though we are at least going to be taping our windows. Me and mom are going to Florida to pick up my nephew at my brothers house and Matto is going to Schlitterbahn in New Braunfels, Tx with the youth group (unless they cancel due to the hurricane, but that's not likely seeing as how the hurricane is most likely heading to S. Tx and Northern Mexico) so really the only ones to be concerned about are the kitties. Ah, well. They have a very good hiding place under the bathtub in our bathroom so they will hopefully be okay. It is good to live somewhat inland during hurricane season. Please be praying all the same. Especally for those that it will hit.

It happens everytime!

2007-08-10T23:56:00.000-05:00

Everytime I start thinking pretty well of myself God takes me down a notch. When I was in college the first time, everytime I started feeling proud and cocky about my singing something would happen to me. I would get up in a performance and really blow it or I would lose my voice. However, whenever I would truly seek God's will and glory I would do well and all my training and technique would be spot on.
This time I was cocky about my grades so God brought me down. I did okay on my theory final and I am going to get a "B" in that class, just as I thought I was. All semester, however, I have been thinking about how great I am in clinical and what a great student I am and how I am definitely going to get an "A" in that class - it was in the bag! I didn't put any effort into my second careplan because I thought, "I don't need to work at this. I've got it!" When I ended up with an 80% on that careplan it didn't bother me because I already had a bunch of "A's" in my other assignments. It was with this attitude that I approached my medication final. I got a...yes, I am not comfortable admitting this...60.7% on the med final. OUCH! Oy veh. Can you hear the inevitable shunk! of my ego being brought down several notches right there? So much for that "easy A." Ah, yes, life lesson after life lesson. Mercifully, God still has my GPA in mind for when I am not such an egotistical pig and He saw fit to allow me an 87% in the class so I pass with "B's" in both classes.

A prayer y'all can pray with me:

God, help me be on my toes about my complacency. Help me to remember that nursing school is for your glory, not mine. Me becoming a nurse is to be used for your work, not my ego. In all that you lead me in; being a wife, being a mom someday, being a nurse, singing, leading children in singing; help me to do it for your glory, not my own. That is the reason I do all these things. That is the reason I am here. For YOU, God. Amen

Funny Story!

2007-08-09T10:47:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to the mailboxes to check our mail. When I turned around I heard a little meow and in the street I saw a beautiful black cat. As is my first reaction when I see any cat, I made a kissing noise to it. It actually came to me, so I petted it and decided to move on. Bartok happened to be behind me and I heard him hiss. When I looked behind me I saw that the black cat was following me. It kept going up to Bartok to sniff him, but each time Bartok rebuffed him with another hiss and sometimes with a growl. They both followed me home where we all met up with Milhaud (Mee-oh, please) where she proceeded to growl and hiss at the black cat too. The black cat followed me all the way to the front door where he proceeded to try to follow me into the house. I called Matto down to come and see him and (when his Warcraft game was over) he came down. He told me that he did not want another cat and he was very concerned I would become attatched to the cat. I kind of did, but I am not without self control and I went into the house and firmly closed the door behind me. However, I think Igor Stravinsky would have been a wonderful name for the sweet, friendly kitty. (I am sorry I don't have a picture. Our camera is at Matt's office.)

Finals week

2007-08-07T02:16:00.000-05:00

I have my first final this evening. It is cummulative over all the material we have learned this summer. I have to say I am looking forward to ending this class. My sole thought about this class this entire summer has been, "booooorrrring!" Ugh. This evening is the last test of vague answers and then Thursday we have a test over all of the medications that nobody really knows why they work, but they all have these horrible side effects. Yay for Psych! I will let y'all know how I do on my tests!
kch

Well, here we are!

2007-08-04T12:33:00.000-05:00

So, I have become quite disenchanted with myspace and all the lovely spam I have been receiving lately. I am going to try a blog instead. All I really used myspace for anyway was keeping people informed of my goings on and I can do that with a blog so, there it is. I probably will only blog between classes right now as I don't have a lot of time during the school year so, this will probably be a pretty boring blog, but I will try to do as much as I can. Anyway, thanks for looking!