So Sunday night/Monday morning a lady came in 32 weeks 4/5 days and after much stupidity on the side of the doctor ended up delivering a dead baby. Today I am 32 weeks 6 days. When I heard of the fate of this woman's pregnancy I had a panic moment. I had begun to think I was in the clear as far as David's health. If I went into preterm labor at this point he would more than likely be fine. Everything is pretty much developed. He just needs to grow. The other lady's pregnancy is evidence that stuff can still happen. When I heard her story I knew that I had to pray, but could not even find words. I just had to let the Holy Spirit take over at that point because I was so freaked out.
Then, Monday evening on my way to work I found some words. I prayed the usual - a continued healthy pregnancy, a healthy labor and delivery, a healthy baby who is a good eater, good sleeper, not allergic to my cat, and not a screecher. I also found myself praying for the grace to give him back to God. It is amazing to me how attached I have become to someone I haven't actually met. Sure, I feel him pummeling me from the inside out, but I have never seen him, or held him. I asked God to be with me and Matto as we embark on this new adventure of parenthood. I want so much for him and he hasn't even been born yet. Most of all I want for me and Matto to demonstrate a strong faith in God. I want him to grow up understanding that he is loved and can come to us with anything. Lofty goals. Anyway, after all this praying I turned on the radio and this is the song that came on from my Skillet CD:
Whispers in the Dark
Pre-chorus:
I will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is A burning, consuming fire
Chorus:
No
You'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear my whispers in the dark
No
You'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear my whispers in the dark
It is good to know we are not going into this thing by ourselves. We, as David's parents, are his guides in life, but we have a guide who knows the way better than us and all we have to do is follow him.
Praying took away the anxiety for a healthy delivery as well. I know God is still in control and hasn't lost a lick of his sovereignty. It is good to be reminded.
Also, I have a patient tonight that delivered via c-section at 33 weeks because her baby's heart rate would not come down. When the baby was born his APGARs were 9 and 9 (that is good by the way) and after a little cardioversion (they shocked him with the paddles) his heart started working right again. This was a good reminder that not all pregnancies turn out with a dead baby. Sometimes when I see the sad stories I forget about the miriads of happy stories that happen multiple times a day around here. It is not all roses, but then again, it is not all thorns either.
