So a few days ago we thought we were going to welcome our little one into the world. Just kidding! After almost 24 hours of continual contracting it just petered out. I was very frustrated, to say the least. I felt like I had sent my sweet little man away to spend the day with multiple aunts so that mommy, daddy, and grandma could sit around and watch NCIS all day, waiting for something to happen. However, I have noticed my Braxton Hicks contractions to be more effective and I believe wee one has figured out the way out. There has been much pressure on my cervix the last few days or so.
This is always the time of the pregnancy that goes the slowest. I keep thinking, "Geez! Get out already!!!" At the same time, though, I don't want her coming out until she's ready. I've seen babies that were not quite ready to come out. They usually have trouble adjusting. That is why I am so dead set against induction. It implies that the doctor knows best when that kid should be born rather than The Creator that made the kid. When I consider how said Creator is pretty much the only person who knows exactly what day and time the ovum was fertilized, I tend to think He is probably the only one who knows exactly when that kid is ready to be born. Call me crazy...Most of my co-workers do...
So here we go VBAC! I wrote a post about VBAC-ing at the beginning of this pregnancy. I still feel the same, only stronger. We took the Bradley classes (all 12 of them). It was a challenge. It was an hour drive both ways, but I feel that it was very helpful to prepare us for what is to come.
Also, I have been praying for God's peace through this thing and I feel that He has definitely provided it thus far. I continue to pray for His peace for everyone involved in the birthing process (Me, Naomi, Matt, Mom, and all the midwives) and continue to pray for a safe, successful VBAC. The closer the time comes for this baby to be born, the more at peace I have been feeling. I didn't even realize it until my mom commented on it the other day. She said I seemed a lot more at peace about this labor than I did for David's. Part of it is, I am sure, the fact that I am more prepared. My midwife told me there was no need for me to take a birthing class for David. I didn't know about proper bodily positioning to get David in the right position before he was born. Looking back I realize that I was doing everything wrong. I was relying on my own knowledge of obstetrics and where I worked to get me through that birth. Now, I am relying on God's guideance. I believe He led us to the Bradley classes and He showed me the perfect focal point (an awesome playlist of some awesome praise and worship songs that I have compilated on my IPod).
Most importantly, though, I have tried to make God the center of this pregnancy and birthing process. This is where that peace comes from. God is in control. He always has been, but until I made Him the center of this pregnancy, that peace was always illusive.
Geez, perhaps I should make Him the center of everything in my life, hmmmmmm? Lately, labor and giving birth have not been concerning me. What has been concerning me is my role as a wife and mom. It seems I am no good at this role on my own! My house is always a mess and lately, in this last part of my pregnancy, I just have not had the will power or energy to do anything about it. My husband does not feel respected or loved. I am not caring for my child the way I should be and I am about to add another child to the mix. Could something so simple as making God the center of these aspects of my life make the difference? It worked for my impending labor. I think it is time I made Him the center of every part of my life.
My first thought is, "This is not the time to start making radical changes in my life! I am about to have a baby for heaven's sake!!" However, I am pretty sure that is a big fat cop-out! What better time to make this change than right when I have a new little one. I am going to be home for the next several months so I won't have to deal with work. My mom is going to help me learn to care for my house so we can get rid of the housekeeper that has not only been draining our bank account, but has also not been the best housekeeper in the world. It will be a slow process, but I think the process needs to begin right now with the decision to make God the center of the process. I cannot do this on my own. There is no possible way.
Proverbs 3:5 says,
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight."
I have been wandering a twisted road in trying to be a wife and mom on my own. I have found all sorts of organizational methods and books and things to try to do this, but none of it works. Perhaps I should start trusting in the Lord and acknowledge him in ALL the parts of my life. I have seen him give peace and perseverance in the areas I have entrusted to Him already. I think I will start trusting Him with the rest.
Jesus,
I have not acknowledged you in all my ways. I have tried and tried to accomplish these tasks by relying on my own understanding. Please forgive me for forgetting about you. Constantly remind me to trust you to help me be a better wife and mother. Help me to seek to put you in the center of every mundane detail of my life. Guide me as I venture on this path you have put me on. Thank you for being present in every area of my life. Help me feel your presense and your peace as I care for my family and household. Be the center of my role as a wife and mother.
Amen.
