I DON'T LIKE BEING A NOOB!

The title pretty much sums up my frustration. I do not like being new at things. I am a new nurse and very frustrated about it. I am constantly learning and trying to incorporate what I learn into my work, but I am so frustrated. I want to know it all now and I am tired of making mistakes. I wish I could have all the experience of a 30 year veteran nurse right now! Everytime I miss something or everytime I make a mistake I just want to kick myself. Some of those things just stem from not having the knowledge and I know that knowledge cannot all be learned in the space of a week, month or even a year, but I hate not being perfect. I guess that is the material point, isn't it. I. hate. not. being. perfect. I want to do my best and I think I do for the most part, but let's just face it: my best isn't good enough right now because I don't have the experience. Oh frustration.



As I sit here think about what to write next the thought comes to me: What does every solved problem have in common? God. He is definitely perfect and is an expert at it. I really need to trust Him and believe that He is still in charge and will carry me as I figure this thing out. It all comes down to that Rebecca St. James song again doesn't it? I really can trust Him with this. I know that it is God's will that I be a nurse. I have seen His hand in the whole journey to becoming a nurse. So what is the deal? Why am I fighting Him now? I totally identify with Paul in Romans 7 when he talks about how he is always doing the things he doesn't want to do and never doing the things he wants to do. woot for sin nature (insert sarcastic tone here).

God - I can trust you with my career. I can trust you with my pregnancy. I can trust you with my future parenthood. I can trust you with my life. I can trust you with those that I love the most deeply. Now that I've said it, will you please help me believe it. Thanks. Amen.

Prego: It's in there!

Whelp. With e-mail, cell phones, and facebook everybody pretty much knows already, but for bloggings sake (and the fact that I don't have anything to do at work right now and reading tends to put me to sleep) - Yes I am indeed pregnant. If you look to the right side of the blog you can find out exactly how far along I am. I am not telling the exact due date (although if you know your math you have probably already figured that out) because I want to avoid harrassment around due date time. Suffice to say we will have a new friend around Halloween and a new addition to our family circle at Christmas time.

Working where I work I am both blessed and cursed in regards to pregnancy. I know everything that is normal and am therefore not afraid or concerned at the normal pregnancy symptoms. However, I am also cursed in that I know everything that can go wrong, as I see it on a weekly basis at work. This is a big prayer request for me. I need to trust God with this pregnancy. A song that keeps coming to mind lately (maybe because I have had the CD playing in my car) is Rebecca St. James' "I Can Trust You."
Here are the lyrics:

I Can Trust You

Yes, I know that you have paved a path for me.

Yes, I know that you see what I do and don't need.

But when it comes to the deepest things

I have a hard time relinquishing control

Letting go

God, it hurts to give you what I must lay down

But when I let go, freedom's found

God, it hurts to give You what I've held so dear

Because of Your love its clear

I can trust you with this

I can trust you with me

I can trust you.

Lord, I know that you are worthy of my trust

For you have shown me time and time again

You're faithful and yet

I'm so scared of letting go of this

Afraid of what you might do with it

How could I forget who you are like this?

Me forsaking

Heart is breaking

I let go of what I've held so tight

Freedom's mine now

For the taking

I move in faith, not by sight

Let your will be done.

Every word cuts to the quick. Why shouldn't I give God my fears about this pregnancy and everything else in my life? He has always taken care of me and my family. Why would He stop now? Anyway, I could use some prayer in this. On that note....

Yay! We are going to have a monkey! Giraffe....BABY!