The title pretty much sums up my frustration. I do not like being new at things. I am a new nurse and very frustrated about it. I am constantly learning and trying to incorporate what I learn into my work, but I am so frustrated. I want to know it all now and I am tired of making mistakes. I wish I could have all the experience of a 30 year veteran nurse right now! Everytime I miss something or everytime I make a mistake I just want to kick myself. Some of those things just stem from not having the knowledge and I know that knowledge cannot all be learned in the space of a week, month or even a year, but I hate not being perfect. I guess that is the material point, isn't it. I. hate. not. being. perfect. I want to do my best and I think I do for the most part, but let's just face it: my best isn't good enough right now because I don't have the experience. Oh frustration.
As I sit here think about what to write next the thought comes to me: What does every solved problem have in common? God. He is definitely perfect and is an expert at it. I really need to trust Him and believe that He is still in charge and will carry me as I figure this thing out. It all comes down to that Rebecca St. James song again doesn't it? I really can trust Him with this. I know that it is God's will that I be a nurse. I have seen His hand in the whole journey to becoming a nurse. So what is the deal? Why am I fighting Him now? I totally identify with Paul in Romans 7 when he talks about how he is always doing the things he doesn't want to do and never doing the things he wants to do. woot for sin nature (insert sarcastic tone here).
God - I can trust you with my career. I can trust you with my pregnancy. I can trust you with my future parenthood. I can trust you with my life. I can trust you with those that I love the most deeply. Now that I've said it, will you please help me believe it. Thanks. Amen.
2 comments:
This is very beautiful, Katherine. I love your honesty.
amen and amen sister!
Post a Comment